The recent quest for older men to marry younger ladies has continued to generate concerns among many as Nwakaego Ohaegbulam found out recently and reports.
The recent quest for older men to marry younger ladies has continued to generate concerns among many as Nwakaego Ohaegbulam found out recently and reports. It was Jackie Kennedy wife of late US President, JFK, that said “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship,” obviously bringing to fore, the key reasons why people get married: love, money and companionship. If these factors were to be looked at individually as it concerns marriage pages would be consumed while doing so. Despite the factors mentioned, there are many especially women who get into marriage as a result of desperation to be addressed as ‘Mrs. Somebody’.
When a woman gets to a certain age and she is still not married, desperation is bound to set in this is more so because of the fact that a woman’s life as a school of thought said is timed. When she attains a given age (40 years) and she does not have a child of her own, she begins to get worried because she is fast approaching menopause; this is understandable, though worrisome. However, it is surprising these days to see a man in his 70’s or 80’s getting married to younger ladies. A lot of questions have been asked especially when the age disparity is very wide. Questions like: what is this dying man doing with this young girl? Why would this little girl get married to such an old man doesn’t she have parents? And so on.
The list of older men with younger wives here in Nigeria is endless with the likes of the late father of the nation and Nigeria’s first ceremonial President, Nnamdi Azikiwe, the late Biafran Head of State Odimegwu Ojukwu, business mogul, Emmanuel Iwuanyanwu, former Governor of Kogi State, Abubakar Audu and FIFA President Sepp Blatter topping the list From time immemorial, men have always been older than their wives hence they were addressed as ‘lords’ by their wives and their relationship could best be described as a ‘servant-master’ relationship.
In such situations, the agegap was usually very wide of course, love was not a part of the bargain for the couples. This is no longer obtainable as civilization has enlightened women thus making them to understand their equality with their husbands. According to a wide range of people including doctors, psychologists, women who had had the experience, the reasons are as varied as they come. According to a school of thought, most men marry younger women due to their high reproductive value while women prefer older men due to their wealth and high social status. Austin Ogbonna a media practitioner said “I believe an elderly man probably an elite could marry a younger person because of so many reasons.
Many older men who are not properly educated could go for younger ladies because they are educated as such, they serve as status symbols for such men. Also, marrying a younger lady helps boost his ego. For instance, if he goes for a social function with a young pretty lady who is presentable, he is cheered by his peers. Thirdly, many of these old men believe that marrying a younger lady refreshes their blood and renews their age.” The quest for older men to have younger ladies by their side is on the increase with many attributing it to an age long myth that ‘fresh blood renews an old blood’.
The truth of this myth is yet to be ascertained. Pastor Egbo, said that “older men may feel comfortable to marry a younger lady because of companionship. However, when a lady is young and famous, an older man could go for her as a way of feathering his nest in other words, he is using her as a bait to get to something. Unfortunately, even after they are married, most of these ladies feel unhappy. This is because they want sex which the old man may not readily give her what she wants neither would he be able to satisfy her sexually. Hence, most of these young ladies married to older men tend to be involved in extra-marital affairs.”
Adding his voice, Philip Don, an entrepreneur said “such marriages do not usually last long and it usually ends in adultery and promiscuity on the part of the woman. This is because these old men especially those of them in their 70’s and 80’s may not be able to satisfy them sexually and you know that no marriage survives without sex.” Some who spoke with our correspondent said that poverty was the reason why most young girls marry older men. For the likes of Florence, a homemaker, “the love for money makes these young girls to marry older men. When there is money, many women would marry anything that is inside a pair of trousers.
Apart from that, many young women have been disappointed by young men to an extent that they would not want to have anything to do with them. Another reason why they prefer to marry older men is because most of them believe that older men are better lovers who are also willing to spend lavishly on these young ladies.” Jonathan, a security personnel sees nothing wrong with a man being older than his wife. He however condemned a situation where the man is old enough to be his wife’s father.
According to him “It is unfair for a very old man to marry a younger woman. I do not support the idea because many ladies who married such old people still go to their closet to make use of dildo’s and vibrators.” Despite the fact that when an old man marries a younger woman, he tends to walk with a spring and zest, there is always a problem of communication between the two given their age difference. Giving weight to this, Junior Gbems, a social scientist, said “when an older man marries a younger woman, it makes him feel younger and creates that ‘young vibe’ in you. Besides, men age slower than women so when a man marries someone his age, in 20-30 years she would definitely look older than him because the wears and tears of child bearing would have taken its toll on her looks. Men see women as a trophy.
As such, having a young and beautiful wife gives him the boldness to brag amongst his peers.” A lady simply identified as Bisi, disclosed that older men in marriage are security. She said very huge chunk of them protect their young wives. She revealed that older men are great in bed better than younger men. There are reports that older men are more sensual and more sexually aware. From experience, Sarah Okeke, who incidentally married an older man gave further insights. “As for me, my hubby is 20yrs my senior and I love it that way.
Right from my teenage years, I knew I was not meant for small boys. I am 30, married at age 24, my hubby treats me like egg, he loves me and over looks my excesses. If I had married my mate or someone who is 2-5yrs older, I guess maybe I would be back to my parents’ house by now. Older men pamper their women, the women glow with pride. When you step out with your older hubby, all eyes will be on you, women age fast and with an older hubby you can’t be bothered.” Also while writing this article, it was observed that most young women actually preferred the older men because they were successful, mature, more stable in life, more responsible and surprisingly more sexually experienced. A Psychologist, Greg Okafor has this to say “there are a whole lot of things involved. First, it may just be as a result of mere excitement.
You know their older wives or wives of their youth feel so secured and may not want to do some other things to stir the man’s anxiety. They rather go for the younger women whom they feel would keep them on the edge and they also come with some spark so to speak. It is just crave for adventure for most of them.” Continuing, Okafor said “many women no longer make efforts to appear ‘sexy’ to their man and keep him on his toes. What they fail to realize is that when he feels there is really nothing spicy in the marriage, he will go out. This is further compounded by the fact that most women tend to relax once they have given birth claiming that they no longer have the urge for sex; unfortunately, these are some of the things that drive these men to the arms of the younger women. Even though I do not encourage cheating, but these things take these men out.” “Men are sexually active and age is no limit to that. If a man as old as Fatai Rolling Dollars could still have a baby at the age of 85, it goes to show that age is no barrier to virility in men,” Okafor concludes.
A study by Germany’s Max Planck Institute, which looked at deaths between 1990 and 2005 for the population of Denmark discovered that by choosing a bride 15-17 years younger, a man can cut his risk of premature death by 20 per cent. Even choosing a wife seven to nine years younger will reduce his risk of dying early by 11 per cent. A spokesman for the institute said younger women caring might cause the results for their men better than older ones. Alternatively, it could be a result of natural selection – only the healthiest, most successful older men are able to attract younger mates. For their younger wives, the news isn’t so good. Women with husbands older or younger by between seven and nine years increased their chances of dying early by 20 per cent, and 30 per cent if the age difference is between 15 and 17 years.