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Let’s Ditch Aso Villa For Good

UZOR MAXIM UZOATU                             e-mail: maxim.uzoatu@theunion.com.ng

It’s not for nothing that Nigeria’s newly-minted change agent, President Muhammadu Buhari has not yet packed into the dreaded domain known as Aso Villa. I guess he knows that the source of the plenteous troubles of Nigeria is Aso Villa, otherwise known as Aso Rock in the beginning. That place is deadly. It never ceases to amuse me when all makes of characters fight to the death in the struggle to live in Aso Villa as Nigerian President. It is akin to courting death! For starters, anybody who thinks that the protracted death of President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua was “ordinary” should have his head examined and his brain unscrambled.

Aso Villa is a haunted house, haunted day and night by very vile and evil spirits! I have it on extraterrestrial authority that Goodluck Ebele Jonathan survived the evil abode only because of his “Good luck” charm! Even Madam Patience revealed that after undergoing countless surgeries she once woke from death there!

Actually it is only death-wish that would make any man agree to occupy a house reluctantly vacated by that highly “medicated” man who propounded the immortal theory that Apartheid in South Africa could only be defeated by juju! It is my candid opinion that luckless “Umoru Are You Dead?” Yar’Adua was not sufficiently cooked mystically to occupy that cabalistic enclave.

He was grossly unprotected against the relentless onslaught of supernatural Scud missiles and preternatural Molotov cocktails directed acutely at his weak pericarditic heart! My prayer now is that President Buhari should promptly scrap the killer Aso Villa. That is the first change that Nigeria direly needs. In the astral plane, as observed and traversed by people with “Third Eye” like the crooked T. Lobsang Rampa, Okija shrine is a picnicker’s paradise when compared with the dastardly coven known as Aso Villa! The trouble with Aso Villa started from the very beginning. Nigeria’s one and only Military President Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida did not pack into the place under normal circumstances.

As they say, it is not with ordinary eyes that harassed mortals run into the embrace of the born-again “Jehovah Sharp-Sharp” churches! The Evil Genius from Minna ran to the Villa following the hot pursuit of Major Gideon Orkar and his comrades who smoked him out of his bedroom in Dodan Barracks, Lagos during the April 22, 1990 coup. The coup lion-heart named Gideon Orkar had accused Babangida of running a “homosexually-centred oligarchic” regime; and it was only split seconds that saved the utterly frightened selfadvertised “Master of Violence” from sure death. And the man fled! Ever since Babangida made Aso Villa Nigeria’s presidential abode the country has hardly ever known progress whatsoever.

I sincerely hope that Buhari and his beautiful wife Aisha are reading me! In the light of building institutions that last forever there was the Biblical injunction on Peter the Apostle thusly: Upon this rock I will build my church. This way, the Evil Genius turned to Aso Rock and said: “Upon this rock I will build my evil empire!”

For a visibly shaken man running for his dear life from Dodan Barracks in Lagos all the way to Aso Rock in Abuja, there was the clear and present need to fortify the place against all spiritual attacks, metaphysical onslaughts and terrestrial diabolism. I have it on good authority that hoary marabouts and voodoo grandmasters were put to work from all corners of the globe to root forever the life presidency of the then First Family deep inside the rock.

It is against this background that any wannabe so-called leader of Nigeria who hopes for a place of abode in Aso Villa is doomed to occult failure. So when Chief Moshood Abiola sought to succeed his bosom friend Babangida via the June 12, 1993 presidential election he was promptly made to understand that Aso Villa was not made for another family through the instant annulment of the election!

Back then, old man Tony Anenih who was ostensibly rooting for Abiola suddenly turned tail with the evergreen slogan: “No Vacancy in Aso Villa!” Even when so much heat was put on Babangida to quit power it’s remarkable that he told all willing to listen that he was merely “stepping aside”. Chief Ernest Shonekan whom Babangida installed as interim leader of Nigeria could not get a hang on the spiritual and sundry grigri underpinnings of Aso Villa until he was shabbily kicked out by Abacha.

Then Abacha had to stay holed up in Lagos for quite some time for Aso Villa to undergo occult detoxification for his occupation! See what I mean; even the extraordinarily tough Abacha did not want to dash in where angels feared to tread! Once Abacha got his bearing within the Aso Villa terrain he upped the ante in making the ornate palace his permanent home.

He reportedly ferried in a million blind mice from Niger Republic into Aso Villa to keep all Nigerians eternally blind to his antics at self-perpetuation in power! Marabouts became two for a kobo in the biology and geography of Aso Villa. Even so, Abacha did not reckon with the terminal depths of Indian apples! A man of action, Abacha died in action! And thus the man expired, giving place to General Abdulsalami Abubakar who just took as much money as he could in nine fast months and simply ran from the deathbed of Aso Villa.

The Northern mafia had so much faith in General Olusegun Obasanjo during his reign as a military leader back in Dodan Barracks in Lagos, but see the donkey that eight long years in Aso Villa made of the Owu man, ending on the sour note of the Third term calamity! And he lost his beloved wife Stella in the process… Who out there is still arguing with me that there is not “something” in that Aso Villa? As if to cap it all up, ex-President Yar’Adua played hide-and-seek with life-anddeath to the amazement of Nigerians until he was ferried into Aso Villa in the dead of the night, almost dead on arrival!

Need I retell the story of President Jonathan who had to save himself by conceding defeat even as the result of the elections had not been announced to a definite end… President Buhari should take urgent heed and root out Aso Villa. Except Aso Villa is ditched for good there can be no change, and there may be no light at the end of a very dark Nigerian tunnel. I can hear Bob Marley sing as I write: “Total destruction is the only solution!” Nigeria needs just one immediate change for things to start working in earnest: Ditch Aso Villa now!

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